Tuesday, June 15

Fear and Hope

It's funny... I spent a large part of my youth feeling alone. I had friends, I was social, I liked school for the most part. But I didn't feel like I truly belonged anywhere.

That insecurity followed me for years. Don't get me wrong; I was happy. I was loved. When a new girl came to my class I made sure to help her out and make her feel welcome.
But every now and then I heard that little voice that said "what if I wake up tomorrow and all my friends have moved on" or "what if they prefer each other and I'm just here because they pity me".

Looking back, I think I kept to myself because I was scared. Beeing a teenager and still figuring out who I was didn't help either.

I don't know if I got tired of being scared or simply decided to take a chance somewhere in my 20s. But when I started to ask for help when I needed it, dared to be weak and stopped hiding my insecurities I started to make really close friends.

When I started talking about things that were hard or upset me, friends started to share their own troubles. And knowing that you're not alone is a great feeling.
Relationships with friends can change over time, and sometimes that change hurts. But that's OK. I prefer honesty, even when it hurts.

I now have a handful of friends that I can talk to even if it's 3 am and my world is falling apart. They know who they are, and I hope they feel that I'm here for them too.

True friends love you despite all your faults and insecurities. I love getting older and more comfortable in my own skin.

That insecure young girl is still a part of me. And she is delighted every time she feels that she belongs.


Sandrina said...

You're a great person and we're lucky to have you as a friend :)

punk in writing said...

So are you, sweetie. :)