Longing for spring

Spring should be here by now. Instead we have unusually cold weather for the season and the promise of a snowstorm hitting us next week.

I'm done with snow and freezing cold. I want sunshine, sneakers and sunglasses. I want to grow stuff on the balcony, go for rides in the forest and buy produce at the farmer's market.
Ah well. I'm hoping April will be different.

 Siamese tulips.

 Prepping the office for Easter.

Dear Spring, please come soon

Black ice, darkness, thermal underwear and freezing cold weather. I am so ready for winter to be over.

I've replaced the Christmas decorations with tulips and spring crocus. Yesterday there was just a tiny hint of purple but look at 'em today!

Spring crocus in a vintage measuring cup.

Fear and Hope

It's funny... I spent a large part of my youth feeling alone. I had friends, I was social, I liked school for the most part. But I didn't feel like I truly belonged anywhere.

That insecurity followed me for years. Don't get me wrong; I was happy. I was loved. When a new girl came to my class I made sure to help her out and make her feel welcome.
But every now and then I heard that little voice that said "what if I wake up tomorrow and all my friends have moved on" or "what if they prefer each other and I'm just here because they pity me".

Looking back, I think I kept to myself because I was scared. Beeing a teenager and still figuring out who I was didn't help either.

I don't know if I got tired of being scared or simply decided to take a chance somewhere in my 20s. But when I started to ask for help when I needed it, dared to be weak and stopped hiding my insecurities I started to make really close friends.

When I started talking about things that were hard or upset me, friends started to share their own troubles. And knowing that you're not alone is a great feeling.
Relationships with friends can change over time, and sometimes that change hurts. But that's OK. I prefer honesty, even when it hurts.

I now have a handful of friends that I can talk to even if it's 3 am and my world is falling apart. They know who they are, and I hope they feel that I'm here for them too.

True friends love you despite all your faults and insecurities. I love getting older and more comfortable in my own skin.

That insecure young girl is still a part of me. And she is delighted every time she feels that she belongs.

As a kid I played football (that's soccer to anyone from the US) but I quit after a year or so. I've never understood mainstream sports like football or basketball.
Instead I spent my time at the local riding school and in various stables. Horses and all kinds of equestrian events are a passion that is as strong today as it was when I started taking lessons almost two decades ago.

There is something about working with horses that is almost spiritual, especially when horse and rider start to work together. If you've never been on horseback, it can be likened to ballroom dancing. Imagine you and your partner stepping on each others toes and being unable to find the rhythm together. You don't speak the same language and can't rely on words to communicate.
But all of a sudden you click and there it is. You find yourselves moving across the dancefloor as a couple rather than two individuals. That is close to what it feels like when horse and rider understand each other. This feeling is sometimes known as "flow".

The first time I saw this video of Parkour Generations moving through urban London like cats I thought about the human spirit. People who refuse to live inside the lines give me hope for the future.
I love how parkour practitioners, called traceurs, see new possibilities in the urban environment. They seem to embody George Bernard Shaw's words "You see things; and you say “Why?” But I dream things that never were; and I say “Why not?”